I wish my penis had an off switch
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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