whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
