I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
