I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
