i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
