i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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