halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
