I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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