Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize