piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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