All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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