i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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