I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
