If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
