we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
