i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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