I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
