I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
