I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I party with great urgency now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize