He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she told me i tasted like america
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
