I bet he comes in French.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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