He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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