i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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