The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
