I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize