oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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