xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I see more hoeing in ur future
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize