oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
