there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
