I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize