That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
