she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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