I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
