Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
