Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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