So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
