there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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