don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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