Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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