If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
