i was rollin on her like bob the builder
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
