I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
