Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
