The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
