you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
