Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
