I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
