i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize