Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
