It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
