two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Everything about him screamed your future.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
