im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
