I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
