We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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