I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My feet surprised me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
