Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
