Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
