At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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