I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
