Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
