were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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