can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
