At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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