I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
