you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
