I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize