guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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