They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
