Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
