he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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