I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
